What I do
But, with Brekken it was a lot harder because he had a bottle for the first four days of his life. When he came home, he didn't know what to do with my boob, who I was (well the nurses say he did know who I was, but if you looked at his face, you wouldn't know it) or where he was. He was used to having nurses care for him, and Daddy.
All day on Monday, I refused to give him a bottle, and we got nursing down, well, with a nipple shield. Which is/was fine. Now I am ready for that part to be done, so we will be taking some drastic measures tomorrow morning to get him off of it. As in I am taking it away. For good. I think. :)
But, all of this is just leading up to what I actually want to pour my heart out about. While I like to bond with my child, and like to snuggle him and hold him and love on him, I am struggling this time. With Marlee it was easy. I didn't have any where to go, didn't have friends who stayed home or an older child to take places. But now I do.
I have been feeling like a milk cow this time. Although I am sure last time I did too, I just don't remember. I don't really want to give him a bottle (and won't until we get a little more established in BF'ing) all the time, but I do want to be able to have a life. I want to be able to go places and not have to take him with me-like maybe having Grandma and Grandpa take him for a couple hours so Mike and I could go out to eat, or so I could take Marlee to story or music time, without him. And I am not sure how I do that...because even if I give him a bottle I still have to pump. So is it really worth the time away if I have to pump while I am out...for longer than 3 hours?
Also, I am feeling very jealous of Mike and his ability to go do whatever he wants when he wants. (He doesn't leave me all the time, he has been great, but he can if he wants to). It almost makes me mad that he doesn't have to worry about Brekken and how he would eat if he left for the whole day. It makes me mad or jealous (or both) that he can have a beer or two if he wants and it's no big deal. Where I have to be very careful as to the timing if I want to have a drink...which at this time is a no go for me at all, since I have no idea when Brekken is going to want to eat.
I am feeling like I am going to be home bound, and a milk cow for the rest of my life. I know, it's very drastic, or dramatic. I do know in my rational brain that this will pass, and sooner than later he will have more of a schedule, and I will be able to do all those things I want to do, but in my sleep deprived state, it feels like it's going to last forever!
I hesitated writing this, and then I found two new blogs, and both had a meme so I thought I would participate. If you want to participate go on over to Shell's Pour your Heart out and Time out for Mom's Coffee Time.
