Pour your heart out

This week at Shell's Pour your heart out she is talking about the good times of being a mom. :)


Right now, today, it would be super easy to write about the crappy things that have been going on here lately...and my failure at being a good Mom the past few days. But, I am going go with her theme, and talk about some fun things.

On Sunday Mike went golfing, so Marlee and I hung out while Brekken took a nap, and we cleaned the house. Then after she went to bed, I did some more, because lately we have been having a hard time co-existing lately. So I thought if I did some extra stuff on Sunday after she went to bed, I wouldn't have to devote so much time to either feeding Brekken, or cleaning the house. So on Monday, we had a play day.

Of course, when you are home all day long, you can look around and see things that need to be done, but I ignored them, and played with my daughter. All day we did stuff together. We played dinosaurs, and with her Pooh animals, and we played babies, and we "made food" in the bathtub. We generally had a fun day. And she was willing to clean up her toys, and listened mostly all day long.

I think lately I have been neglecting to fill up her "love tank". Clearly, not on purpose, but it's hard when you have a new baby, and all the other tasks that come with staying home. So on Monday, I made sure I filled up her love tank. And we laughed and giggled all day long. It was refreshing. :)

What have you been doing with your kids that made you laugh lately?

a confession

I said this the other day...the first month, or possibly two of having a new born aren't my favorite. You lack sleep, all they do is eat, sleep and poop. I know others who LOVE this stage. I on the other hand do not.

What I do like tolerate is breast feeding. I should say once it's established, I for the most part enjoy the bonding time with my babies during our nursing sessions.

But, with Brekken it was a lot harder because he had a bottle for the first four days of his life. When he came home, he didn't know what to do with my boob, who I was (well the nurses say he did know who I was, but if you looked at his face, you wouldn't know it) or where he was. He was used to having nurses care for him, and Daddy.

All day on Monday, I refused to give him a bottle, and we got nursing down, well, with a nipple shield. Which is/was fine. Now I am ready for that part to be done, so we will be taking some drastic measures tomorrow morning to get him off of it. As in I am taking it away. For good. I think. :)

But, all of this is just leading up to what I actually want to pour my heart out about. While I like to bond with my child, and like to snuggle him and hold him and love on him, I am struggling this time. With Marlee it was easy. I didn't have any where to go, didn't have friends who stayed home or an older child to take places. But now I do.

I have been feeling like a milk cow this time. Although I am sure last time I did too, I just don't remember. I don't really want to give him a bottle (and won't until we get a little more established in BF'ing) all the time, but I do want to be able to have a life. I want to be able to go places and not have to take him with me-like maybe having Grandma and Grandpa take him for a couple hours so Mike and I could go out to eat, or so I could take Marlee to story or music time, without him. And I am not sure how I do that...because even if I give him a bottle I still have to pump. So is it really worth the time away if I have to pump while I am out...for longer than 3 hours?

Also, I am feeling very jealous of Mike and his ability to go do whatever he wants when he wants. (He doesn't leave me all the time, he has been great, but he can if he wants to). It almost makes me mad that he doesn't have to worry about Brekken and how he would eat if he left for the whole day. It makes me mad or jealous (or both) that he can have a beer or two if he wants and it's no big deal. Where I have to be very careful as to the timing if I want to have  a drink...which at this time is a no go for me at all, since I have no idea when Brekken is going to want to eat.

I am feeling like I am going to be home bound, and a milk cow for the rest of my life. I know, it's very drastic, or dramatic. I do know in my rational brain that this will pass, and sooner than later he will have more of a schedule, and I will be able to do all those things I want to do, but in my sleep deprived state, it feels like it's going to last forever!

I hesitated writing this, and then I found two new blogs, and both had a meme so I thought I would participate. If you want to participate go on over to Shell's Pour your Heart out and Time out for Mom's Coffee Time.